I've realised, some things just don't seem to have an answer, just don't seem to have a solution, no matter how much you think about it. It's not like I've not tried, and it's not as if I didn't think about it; but i just don't know what I should do. Actually, to say that I'm not feeling stressed or pressurised would be telling a lie, cos I do. Maybe everything really started on the wrong footing? I don't know. Things don't always seem to go the way that we want them to go. :( I don't want to fool myself into thinking anything against my wishes, cos I know it will be unfair to all of us.

My friend told me, I'm choosing to hold on and not let go, is because 我害怕失去. I guess this is so true. 有些东西成了习惯之后，就会开始害怕失去. Afraid of losing the consistency, afraid of losing the chance. Even when the feeling doesn't seem right, even when I can't seem to see the light ahead, I'm still choosing to hold on. Have never been a decisive person since young, and I can't stand myself sometimes too. This feeling gets worse when I know it is affecting other people too, and I feel so so bad. Really. sorry. I understand how selfish it is, but I really have no idea what else to do at the moment.

But no matter what, thank you! :)) I somehow have the feeling that time is running out, don't know why too. Some self-imposed subconscious deadline? Maybe I should try to break into my subconscious level and see what I'm really thinking about, or maybe try to plant some idea into my head so I'll know what steps to take. HA.

Sorry for the above messy and probably meaningless thoughts. Just needed to rant. ROARRR!!!! Time to sleep now, BYEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee!