100TH POST!

wowww i'm at my 100TH POST! *throws confetti and pops champagne* have unknowingly filled this little space of mine with 99 posts of my own writings, whether short or long, so meaningful! I started to blog just so I could have a platform to rant, and share my thoughts and feelings. Never expected myself to hang on to it till so long, knowing I'm such a 三分钟热度person. Haha. I guess it's sometimes so much easier to type whatever I want in here, than to share it with someone else. When I just need a space to share my thoughts without bothering as much about how others would think. It's just about ME. Narcisstic? heheh :P

And so, the concert has come to an end. Seems that many parents commented that it was a great concert, that they enjoyed watching it. What a relief! It actually didn't go as well as planned, and our rehearsals even felt better. But what was most important to the parents was just whether their kids enjoyed themselves on stage. I guess they were all bursting with pride to see their babies shining on stage! :))) It was a rather hectic and nerve-wrecking day I would say! Just keeping the kids away from each other, and preventing them from running all over the place was by itself no mean feat. They got more and more restless and the time passed, as all of the teachers and volunteers got more and more tired. As WL said, it's not really physically tiring, it's more mentally challenging. Having to keep a lookout for all the kids is really not a joke. Especially when they have the tendency to run off to do something absurd, or maybe with no intentions of coming back. Haha! You will find yourself getting more and more paranoid, such that any small movement by the kids and you will immediately check it out. Thankfully my class was rather well-behaved, with only some hiccups here and there.

I got so anxious when it was time to go up on stage, although I wasn't even the ones performing. Felt a little like a parent sending her child on the first day of school; the uncertainty of knowing whether he will fare well, and yet the pride that he has finally reached the stage of independence. Had to help out with Boldness first, and some of the kids were acting up. Jon and Sebas and Kart could be heard even before the audience could see them, haha. The glaring lights on stage and the crowd probably gave them a bad shock. Poor things :( But at least they managed to finish the whole song finally, with one of them attempting to jump off the stage though loll. Next up was Ability! (that's my class btw :)) Shel and I had to help out with Boldness, which really gave us too little time to prepare for our own concert. Forgot to help the kids put on their masks, headbands, didn't even have enough time to breathe. And the music tracks were so mixed up, they kept playing the wrong music, or else not playing when there should be music. ROARRR! But thank goodness it still went on rather smoothly, although I totally felt like laughing and crying at the same time when

FOX asked on stage very audibly: WHERE IS MY DADDY? (His family started to wave wildly upon hearing that, and he so happily waved back LOL) >.<
When JUDE kept running around on stage and refusing to exit; I tried to grab him but missed, and the audience started laughing >.<
When BENJAMIN couldn't stop giggling into the mike on stage instead of saying his lines, and for some reason repeated his lines twice >.<
When IMAAD came out only after like eonsssss (the audience erupted into applause once they saw him), and his lines couldn't even be heard by the audience >.<
When MOEEZ waved so happily on stage(to his family i guess) even though we told him nottttt to do so >.<
When the music didn't come on as it was supposed to, and poor NITHYA had to stand on stage alone waiting to dance. Wondered what she did though, cos I heard the audience laughing >.<

HAHAHA <3

It was so touching at the end when all the children went up on stage again, cos u can see all the parents and family waving WILDLY. TOTALLY WILDLY. I could see some of the expressions of the parents, think they were just about to burst with pride! awwwww LOLLLL! It was such a heart-warming scene honestly, and then you realize what all the previous hard work was for :)

Felt sooo shagged at the end of the concert. Glad that it was over, but yet sad at the same time too. Many thanks to the cousin who came down to help, she really made things easier for us! And lucky there were other volunteers there to help too, otherwise it would have been much more chaotic and crazyyy. Now that it's over, back to normal life again. Still gotta go back to work to help out with shifting, and my 3 months is almost up... Oh well, all I can do is wait and see. Cross my fingersssss :)

End of this lengthy post! Time for bed soon.. Work starts at 11am tomorrow, so I can afford to sleep later abit tonight! hehe. Nites all! Cheers to my 100th post agn!! :)

My mood for these few days haven't been that awesome; probably the accumulation of being sick previously, meeting some unhappiness at work and blah blah blah... Shan't talk about my issues at work, cos it is definitely not good to share it in a public platform where anyone can read this, and it's also a mixture of different issues i guess. It's not that terrible, just made me feel uncomfortable and insecure. There seems to be some light about it though, hopefully it will get resolved by next week! Don't ask me about it ok, definitely not a problem with me haha.. prefer to keep it within doors :)

No matter what, I'm still loving the work that I've been doing! Today was the last day of school before the holidays, and I honestly felt rather nostalgic and sad. Although tomorrow's going to be THE BIG DAY for the kids (it is the day of the annual school concert which we have been practising super long for), there are a few of them who wouldn't be joining due to other commitments. The thought that it would be a loooong time before I would see them again did make my heart wrench a little, especially when things are a little hazy now and I'm not sure if I would be back :( One of the students in my class will be going to a regular primary school next year, and although I definitely feel happy for him and ahem probably myself, there's still this feeling of sadness. Many mixed emotions I would say!

Talking about the concert, I'm really hoping that it would go on smoothly! All the children and teachers have been practising it for very long, and it really means alot to us. It's also my first "concert" as a teacher, and it does seem so significant to me. There will be loadssss of parents tomorrow, scary! Haha but so far many parents that i've met have been really nice, so it should be fine! Was actually quite excited at first for some friends to join in this special occasion to help out as volunteers, but many of them were unable to make it. Must say that I do feel a little disappointed with the responses, but thankful to my cousin who is willing to come down to help! :) It was really nice of her to agree immediately after I asked, even though it was rather last minute. I really don't like the feeling of "begging" people to help, to repeatedly ask once and again just to get uncertain and avoidant responses. Makes me feel so desperate. Well I'm not! I believe if you have the heart to do so, it would show. We really need all the help we can get I suppose, am sure it is gonna be a chaoticccccc situation! Haha but I'm sure it will be loads of fun and laughter nonetheless, so I'm really looking forward to it! Although many of the kids really do things that make me wanna scream at them, but honestly their antics really melt my heart at times. And I guess the satisfaction and joy that I've gotten from teaching them is really way beyond words and so cherished, I really feel fortunate to have the opportunity to experience it :) Somehow, all the ups and downs have made everything so worthwhile, I would choose this route all over again.

This may not have been the perfect job, nor the best offer that I could have gotten, but I've never regretted stepping into this field. I feel that it has somehow brought out something in me, made me do and feel things like I've never thought I would. Although times are hazy now, and somehow I feel like I'm at the crossroads once again, but one thing is for sure, I will try as much as I can to stay in this field. Even if I stop working here, I will find something else in this field of work. These 3 months have brighten this path for me, and made me even more determined that this is the route that I want to take, at least in the near couple of years. :) I don't feel so uncertain about the path that I want to take now, like there's a goal in my life! I guess everything happens for a reason, and for this moment, I really feel blessed to be where I am <3 Not the best, but it's enough for me. Hope this feeling can stay for a longer period of time, haha!

Oh well, have typed sooo much unknowingly! It time for bed, to prepare for the BIG DAY tomorrow! goodnighttttttt :)

dontbrushitofflikeitdoesntmeananythingtoyou,cositmightmeantheworldtome.

suddenly feel so tired. feels like there's alot that i want to say, yet don't know where to start from, don't know what to say. maybe i expect too much from people sometimes, maybe i'm just not understanding enough? i don't know, don't want to care. it's so tiring to always try to make everything go right. it sucks when u don't feel understood, but yet it feels like it would take too much of an effort to explain, and it's already disappointing enough without having to do so.

and when u get emo, there are a thousand things that you can get emo about.

did i say that before? thought i ever did. oh wells, i think i'm starting to not make any sense. just random rantings eh, please don't read too much into it. i think i just need a good sleep! and tomorrow will be a better day (: