I...have always wanted to be a teacher. Since i was veryyyyy young, i think. I know it's such a boring dream to have, and so goody-two-shoes! haha but oh well i still really want to be one. I have tried out this career path, first during my 6 months of relief teaching, and my one month at metta student care centre. Both left me with great memories, and i really learnt and gained sooo much from my short period with the kids. I really miss the innocence of being around children, when everything seems to straightforward and simple, when you sense their genuine love towards you.

I still keep all the notes and drawings that students gave to me when i was relief teaching, suddenly had the urge to look through them again, after all these years... Looking at all the little notes and drawings from the children suddenly make me feel soooooo nostalgic *sob*. Guess they have all grown up; should be in primary 4 and 5 already. Honestly, relief teaching was such a beautiful memory to me, i am so thankful for the chance to experience it. Now thinking back, i was really really lucky. Although there were days that I was not needed, the school still asked me to go down everyday. Not that I would slack on those days, i would follow a teacher and sit behind the class to watch and learn. How many people get to sit in other teachers' lessons and watch them teach? :) I still remember the warm feeling of holding onto the hands of the children as i lead them, their little hands in mine. So trusting, so simple. :) But there were of course times when i had to FORCEFULLY hold the hands of the naughty kids, to ensure that they stay away fro trouble. HAHAHHA i always liked to see them grimace :P

I had no assigned class, which means i will go into different classes everyday. Although it meant lesser bonding, but the best thing was that all the students knew me! hahah i liked the feeling when students would randomly run up to me to talk or tell me things, and i still remember there was once when a few of them running up to me and said that another boy wanted to marry me. HAHAHA! it always felt so simple with them, and they are all MEGA cute. cuteness explosion!!!! :))

Actually, these are not what i wanted to blog about, ha. The main thing that led to my blog post here was my tuition lesson this morning. Was chatting with my tuition kid's father about her progress, and all i could do was to honestly say that she does not seem to be making any improvements. Honestly, i felt damnnnn guilty when I was telling him that, cos afterall that's what they got me here in the first place right- to help her improve. I was telling him, that she is very very careless, and that is what that causes her to do badly sometimes. I also feel that she is not trying hard enough, not yet giving her best which i feel could be much much better! Honestly, i am quite at my wit's end already. I have tried punishing, rewarding, scolding, nagging, joking, playing games, and still.... I feel so disappointed when my students tell me that they failed this or that, HOW CAN!!!! It's going to be a year teaching them, and yet no improvement. I'm trying to change my teaching methods to suit them, but..I haven't seem to find the best way yet. :( It's really time to start reflecting on my teaching i guess, whether I'm really cut out to be a teacher. I thought i could, i really thought so. How am I going to push them to do better? Or did i push them too much previously? SIGHHHHH.

Teaching has been like a goal in my life, something that I'm intending to do sometime in future. And with the good experiences i've had, they are also motivations to spur me on. But now, i'm stumped. If i can't even help 2 students, how am i going to handle a class in future? To be honest, i feel that the problem does not lie in me totally. My students really don't seem to be trying hard enough, always waiting for me to give them the answers. But it definitely takes two hands to clap, i can't push the blame entirely onto them yea. It's really time for me to start reflecting, and I'm quite thankful to the parents, for trusting me enough to continue teaching them. I definitely won't give up on them, but i think i still need more time to figure out what's the best for them. I believe they can do so much better, they have potential, just not shown out yet i guess. I really can't wait to see the day that they shine!! :)))

Alrighty it has been a looooong and tiring day today! tired!! time for bed! :)

寂寞光年刘力扬

寂寞光年-刘力扬

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了 快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意

一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

习惯，有时是很可怕的东西吧。。

my mum was telling me that i take alot of things for granted. i know... So now i'm trying to change, force myself to be more independent, remind myself to stop procrastinating. Somehow sometimes when things become a habit, you expect it to be there always. You start to lose sight of how precious it may be. It's really time to not being so complacent!!

I'm beginning to understand, how 简单可以是幸福的. :) even a simple dinner with my family, a simple outing with my friends, i want to treasure every moment. honestly, i realise when i think this way, there are manyyyyyy things in life worth to be happy about!! :)) I guess it's really not all that difficult to be happy, alot depends on yourself!

Hope that everyone reading this will be a happy person too!! :D do treasure all the little moments in life, and be grateful for everything in your life. Be it the good, the bad. I guess the tougher obstacles in life are there to make us grow, to become stronger individuals. so...just be HAPPY! :)))))))

abrupt ending to this random post! hahaha dont care la!

I was feeling better already, until i saw cy's email! Haha(: but it was really nice of you to send that, i looove to receive such heartwarming msges, and so sincere!! Honestly, when i read to your last sentence, my eyes were also brimming with tears.. (: It's quite shocking when reality hits yea; that we'll no longer be school mates cum faculty mates cum major mates. Thank you for letting me know that I have at least made a mark in your life, that there are memories between us worth cherishing. (: (: (: Actually we've known each other for veryyyyy long already right? almost 7 years? I'm really glad to get to see you more often and get to know you better in NUS! It's always funny to hear u go "tsk!", HAHAHA! And i'll rmb how close your tastes are to my mother, HAHAHAHA! :P Okay la, you know i'm just joking right! :D

I'm really really glad to have the group of you girls with me in NUS, so at least I know I'm not alone. Of course there are definitely times when I was alone, going for tutorial alone, studying in the lib alone, walking around alone, ahahahaha but at least I didn't feel so alone :) Actually, i dont think we are like super duper close or what, but I guess you dont need to be very close to enjoy each other's company! Actually over the years, we've accumulated quite alot of memories tgt ehh! Especially with gp and celia, my 2 bestest psych buddies!! :D

Was listening to my ipod and i suddenly came across 2 lines that i felt was sort of reflecting how i feel now...

"sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere,
don't know which way to go"

don't worry I'm not emoing again! :) Just thought it sounded apt to my life. And i was sitting alone at an unknown busstop at Punggol at 9plus at night, waiting for the bus that never seemed to be arriving... so so apt... hahaha.

OH YEA SS501 has got a new song!!! niceeeeeeee!! haha go listen it's my blog song okay!! hehehe!

Alrighty I'm going to stop here for tonight! sweet dreams all!! (:

Suddenly feeling emo, for i dont know what stupid reason. Don't really like this feeling, but it just seemed to engulf me all of a sudden... And when I am in an emo mood, there seems to be a thousand and one things that I feel I can emo about. I guess a blog is probably not the best place to rant about, but i always find it therapeutic to share my thoughts here. :)

Actually I think I'm quite a cheerful and optimistic person most of the time, but i guess we all have our moods at times.. And i realise i have nothing much to write, cos the feeling just doesn't seem to have a reason. Haha. I'm not making much sense here am i. Trying to make my brain BLANK, so I can clear it of unhappy thoughts! :) I think I should just go to bed early, rather than wasting time here thinking about what is making me emo. HAA.

SiHui will be fine again tmr! :)) goodnite all, pardon this random entry!!!!

It's been agesssssss since I've last updated; almost 3 weeks!! It has been a happening cum slacking 3 weeks, hahaa. Of cos, the most happening thing that happened was THE KOREA TRIP!!! WHOOO!! hahaha!

Had lotsa fun there, took many many photos too!! :)) It was so relaxing, just following the tourguide around, not having to worry about anything, except whether we were going to be late! haha talking about that, it's really AMAZING how the other tour members (all around 40 years old and above btw) ALWAYS manage to be faster than us. Even when we are just sightseeing and walking, they always manage to be ahead of us. They will also be there on time or before the stipulated time, and even during toilet breaks, the 5 of us will still be the last. VERY AMAZING. hahaha! I wonder are we just toooooo slow for words, but honestly sometimes we will try to rush abit, but still...... hahaha i still rmb how happy we will be if we realised that we were the first, although eh, it doesnt happen too often LOL.

Oh but, one of the good things i guess that came out of us being sooo slow was that we had a photographer who will look out for us! hahah not that we were intentionally slow okay, not that mean haha. But the photographer was a really really nice person who would watch out for us, and we were saying that he always appeared at the right moments! Every time when we get lost or can't find the rest, "POP" he would appear! He always had this yellow hand with him, that he would wave around to get our attention, so we called him THE HAND. hahaha! I'm not trying to be gaga over him, but he really does have a nice smile, and i guess he was our eye candy for the days with him! haha! too bad he doesn't really understand english, so we couldn't communicate very well with him. But oh well, it was still quite funny cos we'll always switch to broken english to talk to him. hahaha!

Got to know very nice "aunties" and uncle from the tour, they are all so nice to us, and bear with us when we are late! :)) they always take good care of us too, watching out for us, esp aunty jenny and aunty lay choo! The both of them are soo cute tgt, and they always crack us up!! :D And the last two days when THE HAND was no longer with us, they became the ones that watched out for us. Well, it's quite surprising though, that the tour guide would always walk on and on without checking to see if anyone was left behind. She wasn't very professional throughout the trip, not watching out for us, and not giving us very good descriptions of the places that we were visiting. Actually what irked me more was that whenever we were on the bus travelling, she didn't seem to put much efforts into introducing, whether was it Korea as a whole, or just the sight-seeing places. But to a certain extent i was glad of that too, cos I had the chance to sleep and listen to my ipod. Hehehe. I hateeeeeeeee tourguides that go on and on and on and on, and i stil rmb when i went Taiwan, the tourguide even played old old chinese songs DAMN LOUD on the bus when she was not talking, which i really found torturing. Not that I refuse to appreciate, but sometimes it's good to have some personal "mental" space aye. Haha so I guess I didn't feel much dislike towards her, unlike the rest. Honestly, by not letting her affect me, it didn't really affect my holiday mood! :) Actually, i would say i learnt some korean culture from her too! Her life is really really happening! haha!

Life's been boringggg since I've been back, and i CANNOT STAND the weather in spore!! ROARRR!!! freaking warm! Korea's weather was NICE, cold but yet comfortable. No sweat, no stickiness :) and i miss having to wear a jacket!! haha!

I really had alot of fun and laughter and nice memories from this trip! Thanks to the girls! I was at first a little apprehensive, cos I was really scared that we might have some unhappiness here and there. Afterall, it's not really easy to face someone for 8x24 hours a days continuously without any glitches rite? But heheh everything turned out fine! at least to me la uh :)) Somehow i feel that we complement each other to a certain extent, so things went smoothly. And many thanks to the girls for looking out and taking care of each other too! I really miss the carefree times during the trip, and all the random happiness. haha :) Many thanks to THE FOUR OF YOU for making my grad trip so fun and enjoyable!

Other than volunteering to help out a prof with his research, making home visits to children's homes, nothing much interesting in my life now! Haha i will get down to seriously finding a job soooon, but not yet la, i still want to relax!!!! i want more timeeeee! haha :)

alrighty it's getting late! i took superrr long to write this post, cos i keep getting distracted in between! haha.. nites all!! :))