I...have always wanted to be a teacher. Since i was veryyyyy young, i think. I know it's such a boring dream to have, and so goody-two-shoes! haha but oh well i still really want to be one. I have tried out this career path, first during my 6 months of relief teaching, and my one month at metta student care centre. Both left me with great memories, and i really learnt and gained sooo much from my short period with the kids. I really miss the innocence of being around children, when everything seems to straightforward and simple, when you sense their genuine love towards you.

I still keep all the notes and drawings that students gave to me when i was relief teaching, suddenly had the urge to look through them again, after all these years... Looking at all the little notes and drawings from the children suddenly make me feel soooooo nostalgic *sob*. Guess they have all grown up; should be in primary 4 and 5 already. Honestly, relief teaching was such a beautiful memory to me, i am so thankful for the chance to experience it. Now thinking back, i was really really lucky. Although there were days that I was not needed, the school still asked me to go down everyday. Not that I would slack on those days, i would follow a teacher and sit behind the class to watch and learn. How many people get to sit in other teachers' lessons and watch them teach? :) I still remember the warm feeling of holding onto the hands of the children as i lead them, their little hands in mine. So trusting, so simple. :) But there were of course times when i had to FORCEFULLY hold the hands of the naughty kids, to ensure that they stay away fro trouble. HAHAHHA i always liked to see them grimace :P

I had no assigned class, which means i will go into different classes everyday. Although it meant lesser bonding, but the best thing was that all the students knew me! hahah i liked the feeling when students would randomly run up to me to talk or tell me things, and i still remember there was once when a few of them running up to me and said that another boy wanted to marry me. HAHAHA! it always felt so simple with them, and they are all MEGA cute. cuteness explosion!!!! :))

Actually, these are not what i wanted to blog about, ha. The main thing that led to my blog post here was my tuition lesson this morning. Was chatting with my tuition kid's father about her progress, and all i could do was to honestly say that she does not seem to be making any improvements. Honestly, i felt damnnnn guilty when I was telling him that, cos afterall that's what they got me here in the first place right- to help her improve. I was telling him, that she is very very careless, and that is what that causes her to do badly sometimes. I also feel that she is not trying hard enough, not yet giving her best which i feel could be much much better! Honestly, i am quite at my wit's end already. I have tried punishing, rewarding, scolding, nagging, joking, playing games, and still.... I feel so disappointed when my students tell me that they failed this or that, HOW CAN!!!! It's going to be a year teaching them, and yet no improvement. I'm trying to change my teaching methods to suit them, but..I haven't seem to find the best way yet. :( It's really time to start reflecting on my teaching i guess, whether I'm really cut out to be a teacher. I thought i could, i really thought so. How am I going to push them to do better? Or did i push them too much previously? SIGHHHHH.

Teaching has been like a goal in my life, something that I'm intending to do sometime in future. And with the good experiences i've had, they are also motivations to spur me on. But now, i'm stumped. If i can't even help 2 students, how am i going to handle a class in future? To be honest, i feel that the problem does not lie in me totally. My students really don't seem to be trying hard enough, always waiting for me to give them the answers. But it definitely takes two hands to clap, i can't push the blame entirely onto them yea. It's really time for me to start reflecting, and I'm quite thankful to the parents, for trusting me enough to continue teaching them. I definitely won't give up on them, but i think i still need more time to figure out what's the best for them. I believe they can do so much better, they have potential, just not shown out yet i guess. I really can't wait to see the day that they shine!! :)))

Alrighty it has been a looooong and tiring day today! tired!! time for bed! :)